Uncertainties and Regrets
by Mrs Bella Riddle
Summary: When Narcissa was brought before the Dark Lord by her sister, she did not know why he wanted to see her. After, she wished she did not find out. LV/NB


This is for the Cross Generation Competition at HPFC where I had to write Voldemort/Narcissa (which I am now referring to as Cissamort). Sorry to my OTPs...

* * *

Narcissa always strove to be composed and to adapt to any situation in a way that outstripped her sisters. She could slide into a ballroom and, no matter what comments were said or whatever occurred, she could still appear flawless and in control.

It was not the case today.

Bellatrix thrived.

She did not.

"Bella," she murmured softly and, with no one around, she allowed a note of concern to linger in her cool voice, "I still don't know why I'm here."

As they entered the house, Bellatrix turned her head back to stare at her without worry. Unlike Narcissa, she held her head high and was dressed in simple black robes rather than the fine blue, lace robes that coated Cissy's lithe body.

Bella was also confident. She strode with a strong stance and determined walk as she stared straight ahead with a firm reason for her actions.

Cissy was not so sure.

She seemed to be as cold and composed as Bella, but she was nervous and uncertain.

She did not know why she was here.

"The Dark Lord requested your presence," Bella said in a tone that made it seem like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But why?" She knew her sister was a Death Eater but it did not explain why she was requested. Did the Dark Lord expect her to become a Death Eater? That was not her. She could not fight or duel. It was not proper.

She could have sworn her sister looked tense. Her lips purses together, but it was over in a moment and she was back to her confident self. "I would not presume to know the Dark Lord's mind."

It was not at all comforting to Narcissa. As they crossed the Entrance Hall and were about to enter a door she wrapped her hand around her sister's to stop her pushing it open.

"Please," she moaned softly, "You have to have some idea."

It was strange to see a plea have an impact on Bella, but Narcissa knew that was a privilege only she could possess. Reluctantly Bella turned from the door and looked down at her. "I honestly do not know. He knows you recently became engaged to Lucius and you are my sister..." She paused, her eyes lost in thought before she continued. "Do not worry, Cissy. It is an honour. No true pureblood has anything to fear from the Dark Lord."

Narcissa was not convinced. She had seen her sister and Lucius hurt by the Dark Lord as a punishment. She knew she could not disobey and, while she did not disagree with his general goals, she was not too enthused about specific orders she may be given.

Regardless she did not express those views to Bella. She knew it would be foolish. She only nodded mechanically.

Without waiting, Bella turned and pushed open the door. Narcissa was greeted by a modest and neat room lined in rows of dark wooden bookcases chock full of ageing and ancient texts. A set of velvet curtains was firmly closed and framed in a cluster of floating candles which lit the room as well along with a roaring hearth. In front of the fireplace were a fabric couch, armchair and one man.

He was terrifyingly tall, thin with bony limbs and with balding black hair that exposed a scalp that was as white as the wedding dresses she had been looking at with her mother. When he turned, she was confronted with waxy features and bloodied eyes which were so dark and foreboding she shuddered under the gaze.

She was frozen and, if it was not for the insistent pull of her sister behind her, she was not sure if she would have bowed respectfully.

"So, Bella, this is your lovely sister," the Dark Lord said, his voice oddly soft, but it carried such authority that she felt all the hairs on the neck stand on end. He approached and circled them. Narcissa kept her eyes focused on the floor and did not want to look up. "My my so dark and so light, but still similar. Quite the lovely pair."

She was not sure why, as she had gathered many compliments in her life, yet she still felt her cheeks colour. "Thank you, my Lord," Bella gushed beside her. Narcissa almost looked straight up at her. It was so strange to here Bella speak that way. She was normally so proud and powerful, but now her voice was full of worship and obsession. It made Narcissa uncomfortably and made her wish even more that she was no longer here.

The Dark Lord did not respond to her sister but paused directly in front of her. She stared at the trailing hem of his black robes begging him to keep moving.

He did not.

A hand closed around her jaw and tilted her head to face him. His fingers were colder than a normal person, yet she felt the faintest surge of something else behind his fingers; like a shock from his power. She was not sure if it was pleasant or unpleasant.

Looking up into his eyes, she flicked her gaze to her sister rather than stare at him. Bella's eyes were glued to the Dark Lord; watery and desperate.

"Miss. Black," he hissed softly and Narcissa turned to face him again, "you need not worry. You have no reason to be afraid. You are in safe hands."

Narcissa was not sure she believed him, but she still she answered obediently, "Of course, my Lord."

"Good girl." Turning his bloodied eyes from her he focused on Bella to her right. "You may go, Bella. I trust your sister can find her way home by herself."

Bella did not move straight away. She looked up at the Dark Lord and opened her lips to respond. However, at the last minute she bowed and left before Narcissa could even meet her eyes.

She was alone with the Dark Lord.

He at least released his hold on her.

Stepping back, he walked to the hearth. In a flick of his wrist, and without the aid of his wand, a bottle of wine floated into his outstretched hand. Despite being impressed, she was uncertain and remained rooted to the sport while the Dark Lord positioned himself on the lounge.

"Miss Black," he called as he rotated his head towards her and beckoned her closer with a long fingered hand, "you need not fear. Come. Sit with me."

The idea was not appealing, but she obliged. Her icy blue eyes flicked over the spot on the lounge beside him. She wished the gap was larger. Regardless she kept cool and smoothed her robes underneath her as she sat gracefully on the tip of the cushioned surface. She could feel eyes on her, but she did not look to the side. It was only when he moved that she darted her gaze over to stare like a frightened rabbit. However, she seemingly had no reason to fear as he only leaned over to hand her a glass of wine.

"Thank you," she said softly as she wrapped her delicate fingers around the stem and, in the process she brushed her skin against his. A shiver slid down her back as she took a sip so she could do something with her hands.

"You are not at all like your sister," he said softly as he leaned comfortably back into the cushioned surface. "You are so very different."

"I- yes, my Lord," she replied cautiously staring down at the ruby liquid rather than to look at him. She was not sure what else to say.

"You do not need to worry. It is not meant as an insult. Bella has a great deal of positive traits, but she also has some faults. I cannot see any of those same faults in you."

The slightest flicker of red spotted along her cheeks as she took another sip of her wine. "Thank you, my Lord."

"Do I really scare you, Miss Black?" His voice was calm, but Narcissa felt like she was being roared at by a lion.

Swallowing a lump in her throat her voice shook slightly, "I- no. Of course not, my Lord."

She flinched violently when she felt a cold hand on the back of her neck and hair and, in a moment his mouth was near her ear. "Do _not _lie to me."

"So- sorry, my Lord," she mumbled silently pleading he would release her.

He did not.

"Look at me."

Hesitatingly she did as was instructed.

He had moved from when he had spoken so that, when her head turned, there were only a few inches between her lips and his. She wanted to move away, but she could not. The hand on the back of her neck only slid over her face so it was cupping her jaw.

"You are a very pretty young woman." His fingers gently caressed her face brushing over the bottom of her soft pink lips. "Very pretty. Lucius must be very lucky."

Narcissa was not at sure what she should be doing. Considering his distorted features, she thought his touch would be disgusting and make her ill, yet the movement of his fingers was oddly smooth and each brush of his fingers felt so meticulous and planned.

It also thrilled her. The surges that ran from his fingers sent a familiar tingling sensation through her body.

She blushed and felt annoyed with herself. Automatically she tried to push all those notions away.

"My Lord?" she questioned softly unsure at what to do. She hoped he would stop touching her and allow her improper thoughts to disappear.

"The correct answer is to say, 'thank you.'" The Dark Lord said rather like a professor.

"Thank you, my Lord," she repeated automatically her cheeks still crimson. Lips dry she bit the bottom slightly as she continued to stare into his bloodied eyes. He did not lift his stare in fact his gaze seemed to concentrate.

It lessened after a few moments when he chuckled lightly. "Perhaps I am wrong. Maybe you and Bella have more in common than I assumed."

"I'm sorry, my Lord I do not understand..."

The Dark Lord only smirked.

She felt even more uncomfortable, but, before she could do anything, the Dark Lord leaned forward and pressed his lips against hers.

She tensed.

She had no idea what to do as cold lips brushed against her own passionately with more control and determination than any kisses given to her by Lucius. Something caught in her throat and a part of her wanted to push him away.

Her arms did not move.

They remained at her side as the pleasant tingling sensation continued to progress along her nerves and under her robes. It was not at all unpleasant. In fact, as his tongue slid into her mouth and flicked against hers, she barely stifled a moan.

This was ridiculous. She was engaged to a man she loved! He was the Dark Lord! He was terrifying and had a reputation for violence.

He was also powerful.

It was more desirable than she thought it would have been.

Slowly she started to react.

The hands that had been resting on her lap moved as if on their own accord not to push him off, but for one hand to slide to his neck and the other to lightly touch his chest.

His body felt so very thin and cold, but as he pressed her into the couch his power was intoxicating and left her drunk and delirious.

Stifling a gasp she felt his lips left from hers, yet it was only to trail down her neck and lower.

All thoughts of protest slithered away as his mouth felt so wonderful and she felt so alive.

For a short while, as he pressed her into the couch and was almost gentle, she felt the same way.

When the gentleness slipped away so did her enjoyment. By then she did not dare refuse.

* * *

Stepping into the Entrance Hall of her family home, Narcissa was shacking like a leaf as she clutched her torn robes tightly together. She was paler than usual, her lips were quivering and her normal impeccable make up was smudged and her perfect hair was in disarray.

She wanted to get out of sight of anyone who could see her, but her quest was thwarted as, before she could even take a step up one of the stairs, a voice sounded behind her.

"Cissy?" Bella called her voice cautious and concerned as she drew closer. "Are you alright?"

She desperately did not want to see her sister. She did not have the luxury about lying what she had done and what she had allowed to be done to her. She knew with one glance at her it would be obvious. She considered running, but that would be unbecoming. She had already disgraced herself and acted improperly tonight.

"I'm fine," she murmured softly her voice shacking audibly. "I'm just tired."

Bella had reached her side and, even though Narcissa did not look up from her pointed shoes, she could imagine her sister was sweeping her eyes over her appearance.

"Come on," Bella said in a voice that might be described as gentle if it did not come from the mouth of Bellatrix Black. "I'll get you cleaned up."

It was strange to be looked after by Bella, yet she was. She allowed her to run the bath for her, heal the scratches and bruises and to wash the traces of her indiscretions and betrayal from her.

She also had a shoulder to cry on.

As soon as she wrapped her fluffy towel around her now cleaned body she collapsed against her sister. "Merlin what have I done?" she gasped her wet hair trickling over her sister's robes. "I did not mean for anything to happen and with him. Merlin what will Lucius think?"

Bella silently stroked her hair. "Stop worrying, Cissy it will be fine. Lucius will not think anything. He will never hear a word and you will marry and fill the word with blonde babies just as you both desire."

"But-"

"No!" Bellatrix declared firmly as she pulled away slightly so Narcissa was forced to stare directly into her sister's eyes. "Do not be foolish! Lucius will not know anything. You love him and he loves you. He does not need to know anything. If he wonders why you do not bleed on your wedding night deny it and say you have not slept with any man. Horses can be blamed on that sort of thing."

Narcissa nodded her face still sodden with tears. It made sense, but could she ever lie to Lucius? She supposed she would have to. It would never happen again and if he never found out why worry him about it.

"Good. Now go and put on a nightgown and get into bed. It will feel better in the morning."

She complied. Following her sister out of the room, she gathered her nightgown and tossed it over her head. Bella only watched her for a moment before she headed to the door.

"Wait!" Narcissa explained before she could stop herself. There was one question she needed to ask. "I just need to know one thing."

Slowly Bella turned back to her. "Yes?"

Narcissa felt her cheeks turn pink but she had to ask. "Does it always hurt?"

Her sister looked sympathetic as she smiled sadly. "With him it may, but with Lucius you will be fine."

Both sisters shared a knowing look as Bella turned and left Narcissa to her guilt and memories.


End file.
